Mes Souhaites

Back from Peru and getting caught up on work. Trying out this YouTube thing all the kids are into nowadays.

So, I suck. Some people are mentally retarded. Others are emotionally retarded. What's the term for the capacity to get your shit together? What was that word from the spelling bee the other night? Poiesis: the capacity for creation. That's not quite right. It isn't that I don't have the tools, I'm just too fucking dumb to use them.

Today I got out of bed at a reasonable Saturday hour, but then started watching some idiotic show and managed to miss my kickball game.

This sort of thing where I get distracted by something trivial and miss something important happens fairly frequently. It's just so easy to get involved in something and forget about time. It's why working twelve hours days is easy for me. It's also though why at the end of a twelve hour day I discover I've accomplished something completely other than what I set out to do. (Note my second half of Friday.)

I'm reminded of that article on geekiness and autism.

Well, in my feeling of wastefulness, I resolved not to watch any more TV by myself. I've been doing it far too much, especially since I bought a tuner card in a flash of ill-planned impulse buying. (Btw, MythTV rocks.) I figure I'll still get plenty of the boob tube since McK and I watch a minimum of five episodes of Scrubs per week. (God bless them pirates.)

After a nap I was left with the conundrum of what to do. Having spazzed my way through my only social engagement for the day, I was left with no real reason to get out of bed. With no TV to numb my brain though, I was finding bed kinda boring. I decided I'd try and hunt down Finley's Boxing which Amazon says is the closest gym to my house.

After a seven block walk, I found Finley's to have become an auto repair shop. It was sunny though and residential DC is pretty, so I figured I'd wander for a bit more. Pretty soon I eneded up on H Street. I don't know DC geography all that well, but I know H Street is where McK says she won't go with me to buy stuff. It was also where, during my eight block walk home, I did not pass another white male. I kinda liked it even if I did stick out a bit. I liked for much the same reason I liked Africa. No, not the bunches of blacks folks: it was less polished. It felt more raw and real somehow.

I figured as long as I was out I'd try and spend some money. Help out the community and what-not. It turned out to be kinda hard. The stores were aimed mostly at crappy instant gratification sorts of purchases: lots of clothing, cell phones, liquor and beauty supplies. The grocery store I went in had one of its four isles devoted to candy, but didn't sell oatmeal. I managed to pick up some socks and dryer sheets, but even those were from a Rite-Aid. All in all the day had the feel of a depressing field trip. There were some funny quotes though:

"Last time I come in here looking for envelopes, they sent me all over looking for them. They can't speak English here at all."

— Overheard in the dollar store; "envelopes" was pronounced so as to rhyme with "develops"

"Anger is what you feel when you have to get up at 4:15 in the morning to go be a slave to the white man."

— What the Nation of Islam street preacher was saying into his bullhorn as I was walking by

"Of Mice and Men, that's a new book, isn't it?"

— Question from the owner of the used book store

I got a lovely email from me daddy asking all sorts of questions. I suppose it is all good stuff for people to know, so I'll just post it here since I've got lots of workin' to do:

---

Dad,

I certainly appreciate the interest, but have little to report as of yet. I'll fill in the blanks I can…

Have you found housing accommodations?

I have a roof and a bed. I'm staying with a guy named Thomas for $300 a week. A little pricey, but he's got a nice place and I felt like I was imposing on Cindy who has a beautiful, but cozy apartment. Thomas got the place with his partner, but they had a falling out apparently, leaving him with extra space.

Is your place of employment meeting your expectations?

The marijuana people work really hard. Honestly they work harder than the missile people. I've been going pretty much full speed both days I've been here. I want nothing more right now then to head home and curl up for a nap.

Do you have access to a means of verbal communication?

No, because until my credit card comes in from BB&T I have no way to buy a phone. It is $250 with a $150 rebate and I don't want to put that on mom's card. Hopefully that card will be in within a couple days.

Is the automobile proving to be satisfactory transportation?

Ninja Grandma is running fine. I've not been taking her out much since this city's road system was designed by a deranged hamster on smack, but she's running well.

Are you enjoying good health?

Still can't walk, but that's normal. I'm gonna go to the doctor about the tuberculosis thing relatively soon. Other than that and the eight pounds I've put on in the last week and a half, my pudgy widdwle cheeks are rosy and bright.

Are you eating properly?

I work above a subway. I've eaten five subs in six days. To the extent that is healthy, yes.

Are you still availing yourself upon the good will of your cousin from Louisville?

As I mentioned, no. She did take me out this Friday though and introduce me to some of her National Geographic friends and the DC nightlife. We went to a place called Wonderland which offered two specialty drinks: "the blue pill" promising to ease your cares and leave you waking up remembering nothing, and "the red pill" promising truth and the likely wish that you'd taken the blue pill. I myself had a red pill and either a cat took a poop in my mouth during the night or the drink delivered as promised.

It was a lot of fun though. I was seriously impressed at the abandon and vigor with which Cindy attacked the evening. We ended up back at her place with me passing out to the smell of frying bacon. Bacon that I found incinerated on the stove the next morning. Drunken bacon cooking not working out so well apparently.

and finally, did Little Bo Peep ever find those sheep?

She did not though I hear tales that she has started a chinchilla ranch and is making more off of their highly valued little hides than those irritating sheep ever provided.

Love,
Will

You know the game where you spin around in circles while holding your head on a baseball bat? At one time there was a government program where they trained an orangutan to play that game. It was a highly secret program and there are few records of it, but one can see clear evidence of it in that only staggering simian could have laid out the infernal rats' nest that is the road system in DC. That or they taped a pen to a hamster and shot it up with massive quantities of meth.

I made it up from Tennessee in about seven hours even with my stop for an oil change, but then spent an hour wandering in circles trying to find Haydee's. Once Happy Hour was over I gave up on trying to find the place and decided just to head to Cat's.

On the cover of the Hitchhiker's Guide it says, "Don't Panic." Critical advice for any traveler. I managed to spend another hour and forty-five minutes wandering around trying to find Cat's. After much beeping, many forced on ramps and the closest I've come to tears in quite a while; I managed to make it. Tomorrow I brave the city again. I'm considering just renting a hotel room out here so I don't have to face that damned mess again.

I only got back to Tennessee Saturday morning. Before that my schedule went something like this:

( Wandering )